Friday, November 27, 2009

My Love

... for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love, rivers cannot wash it away...

- Song of Songs 8:6-7


I had a thing for love, or at least i wanted to have a thing for love. I wrote my feelings down when i was still in school. I loved rhyming, and that's how i wrote.
I wrote a lot in my private diary. I even had a girl in mind back then, about whom i used to think. I used to feel unlucky that she wasn't mine, but writing, i remember, made me feel good.

(about her)

without you its hard to live,
to find solace, dil and a smile to give.


Life's taught me a lot of things, but it hasn't stopped me from writing about love. I have had periods where i had to keep a cold heart. Working for a company also got my mind off writing.
I once relied on friendship, but later realized that there is none like those whom i call family.
My college life was an up and then a down. There i wrote more and found pleasure in sharing it with my English teacher. Though still naive, my poems gave me a satisfaction that none other could.

Rejigged my heart, just to make me rile
at one meek look at her ricotta smile
rickety rickety did i rhyme
just to spend with her a little while

Got me, she has point blank
dotty me, I've gone mad
catchy girlie to mine eye
bless her and saye aye aye

Jinxed me dincha beauty soul
with jitters on my brittle brow
kill me if i ever wont
be worthy of your cosset love


How did i end up writing? Well, fact to be said, i used to follow Eminem a lot. He had a lot of influence on me during my school days. I used to rap, but never did much openly. I loved the way the lines matched in rythm and beat. I swayed to his music everyday. Hip-Hop was cult.

(to her)

When this began,
when we met and we drank
a bit of whiling and
we both just hanged around;
I thought I'd make the move,
to tell you how i am
with you in my mind;
But the case is sweet
you were a tequila mead
you engrossd my mind
and set my ass on fire.


Little Suli has come a long way. But now i dont know, i miss writing, i just dont get time. I have exams coming up, pending office work, family issues etc. As for love, Its still there, waiting to come out on paper. Suli must make sure it does.

(parting)


I showed her how much i cared for her
I didnt damn if it ought not from her.
My only wish, to see her smile
and hope she does so every while.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

When You Are On Your Own

I graduated. Had a month long vacation. Gained weight. Enrolled again for entrance classes. Studied with all my might.

I did not keep friends. Ex-Classmates left leaving no address. My phone crashed twice, literally erasing their many contact details. Few cared to text, and got saved. I had a best friend and a best friend and i was pretty satisfied. I had everything that i needed.

Come May, I got a job. Earned little cash by working for an associate. Did a bit of marketing. Got tanned. Lost hair. Traversed alone, with strange faces all around. Endured dust and clay, pain and hate. And at the end of the day, had to sit down and study. Days went by causing sorrow to my then subdued spirit. I worked hard reluctantly, punishing my body, punishing my mind. I questioned my stupidity. I knew i would stand a better chance in selections, with work experience. But then how much more will i endure this? How am i going to prepare amidst all this mayhem? So it wasn't long before i took leave, ascribing importance to my entrance preparation.

Life, atleast mine, got back on the fast lane. Spirits rejuvenated again. Back to studies never felt so good, with so many happy faces around. Again i had everything that i needed. Life was good. Studies even better.

Come September, until when i cruised on that freeway interspersed with green fields and topless mountains, life called again.

I pulled over and stopped in front of her. She asked me how i was doing. I, being very career oriented until then and facing little trouble throughout, said i was doing good. I thought i did well. I burnt the midnight oil, though not always, but still i did. I counted each material i practiced. I was confident about my exams.

Then she handed down to me a set of well contrived test papers. Doing them clobbered the living daylights out of me. That's when i realized that i lived too long in my utopia. I hadn't worked in the way i should have, though barely realizing it. My senses blared, and sudden realization hit me like a club. With barely anytime to spare, and with a whole lot of work to do, i buckled. The dream i had, the hope of my parents, the support of my teachers, suddenly i seemed to deceive them all. I felt like a fool, believing that i worked so far so good. I keeled over. I knew i couldn't give up, but the pressure kept mounting. I needed support.

Wave after wave, did these tests hit me. Test by test, my graph plummeted. So little the time, so much to complete, so many to compete. A year did i spend, again. A chance that i am taking, again. But how did all this happen? How did i overlook? Oh! woe to me, that this had to happen. Oh! Woe to me, but i am on my own. I now see my old laborious office in front of me. Oh no! Not that place again. Oh no! Not that place again.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Love At First Sight

She walked in, perfectly poised and sure of herself.
I have heard from someone that she was smart and that her grades were always awe inspiring. I glanced at her hair as she walked in. It was long and straight. It shone and reflected in the sunlight emitting from the doorway. Dangling from each of her lower earlobes were two wire loop earrings. It captured my eyes as it swayed in rhythm with her body as she walked. She threw a sideways glance at me and the rest of the class. This allowed my eyes to feast upon those black khol rubbed eyes and her neatly plucked eyebrows. She wore a green kurta top and blue jeans. I leaned forward to notice that she was wearing a green summer sandal. Her complexion was rosy, n she had dimples on both sides of her face. Her necklace was but a black string with a pearl gemstone tied at the end.
She walked over to the center row with two ledgers in her hand, held close to her chest, and an unusually big brown leather bag tucked neatly under her right arm. Effortlessly, and with utmost grace, she lowered her goods onto the table and took a seat which directly faced the Professors table.

She enthralled me. I was spellbound. It was my first day in college, and in fell in love at first sight.







Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Hugs ^_^

*Dedicated to my most huggable friends*



I wish we hugged more in Kochi.

Kochi, which is more open to the west than the rest of Kerala, is too conservative. If we were to hug a friend, we would receive unwelcoming stares and unwarranted giggles. I am not talking about hugging between the same sex but between a male and a female, which seems to be considered taboo. I remember when i was young, mothers used to tell their children not to hug friends belonging to the opposite sex and "friendship is good, but dont get too close". Not that we were little perverts or anyone of that kind, I guess they said that so that we wouldn't land up in any kind of trouble in this protected society. But now i feel its high time people get out of their insecurities. It just takes a bit of trying.

I feel this often, its like a distance between even the closest of pals. One can joke that the first person whom she or he's going to hug will be her/his life partner. I say that one should hug for the very feeling of closeness and that much needed human
touch. It should be natural and it should come within you. There is nothing more gratifying and consoling than a hug.

This is my personal view. I definitely think that we lack that human touch. The human touch which calms, reassures, connects, gives security, shows that we care and most importantly, shows that we love.

When you give a hug, you:

... say "It's okay. I'm here for you."

... reassure the questioning heart. We question if he/she still wants to be friends with me after our fight or if our parents still care about us. A simple hug would clear all doubts.

...connect with the people.
Communicating through body language like a pat on the shoulder could send hundreds of messages. It could mean "Hi there,buddy! Long time" or "I care about you"

...could quell all insecurities in your friend and help him feel lighter. It gives them security. Your hug is the biggest reassurance you could ever give them.

Show some love.
Remember, "Love!Love!Love!Makes the world go round!"-Bubbles from Powerpuff Girls.

One hug can do wonders, have no inhibitions. It is a calming reassurance; It boosts self confidence and morale; It encourages peace and friendliness, love and gratitude.
So give a hug today. It could be anyone. Even me.
Get up, Get real. As i always say.. there is a whole world out there, why are you stuck up here?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Persevere

"What?" is my best friend.
Be it when i wake up in the morning, or dress up for office; when i am sitting in the bus, or walking up the hill.
"What?" is my constant companion.
"What am i doing this for?", is what i usually ask myself. "What is it that i seek?", "What is it that i want?", "What will it give me?", "What nonsense?".

"What?". Is there something wrong with me? Am i a failure? I question myself on what i put myself through everyday. I see myself decay and deteriorate; weary and abused. What with all the empty promises people make, i end up still trying to figure out what made me do all this.

Desolate, my heart lies. I am deprived of the human touch. Friends seem far away, though pleasant smiles frequent around. I see my life in a new light. Away from all comfort, away from those childish days. I seem to be utterly lost.

"Why?". "Why am i bereaved?". "Why should i think i lead a meaningless life?". I should be happy rather. I am an individual now. I will be what i make of myself.
"Why?". "Now that the day was not as bad as i thought it would be, why do i moan everyday?"
There is a whole new world left for me to conquer, a vainglorious and egoistic world. I am an achiever, i have set my sights high. There is no turning back, I've embraced my new life and i will come out good. I will come out jubilant.

God helps those who persevere. Persevere in virtue and diligence.

Friday, August 7, 2009

My True Friend

The following was written by me towards the end of the year 2007. I wrote it to my best friend and my brother, Sandeep Kumar. Hope you like it.

**My True Friend**

My friend in life, My friend in death.
A bond so strong, proven with every breath.
All those days together and no moments apart,
you 've been with me right from the start.
Pain washes over, everyone has gone,
i run for cover but you make me strong.
In times of trial my counsel you sought,
I will give you my life with no second thought.
You know who i am, on me you can depend,
I know who you are, my brother, my true friend.


Homecoming

Alas! I'm back to this old and desolate blog. Its been ages since i logged in last time. The transition from college life to individual being has had its effects. But now I'm back and with more zest.

Nov 07, 2007 was the last time i penned a poem. I had a grave loss in a friend, and that made me stop writing. Not only writing, i even stopped my second re-mix tape (SuliPhunk 2: My love).
Out of the two lost passions, i guess, the urge to rhyme has reignited within me.

I ll be posting my poems soon. :)

After college, i tripped to Chennai, Pune (a place i fell in love with), and Mumbai. Spent some quality time with my family and old friends. I also gained a whooping 10 Kgs by the end of April.
I rejoined IMS Learning Resources Pvt Ltd for CAT coaching by May, but only after finding a job with Edelweiss Broking Ltd as a sales exec. Life ever since has been a slap on the face.

My job required me to travel around 20kms (one way) to office, in a Cochin City Bus a k a Red Killers, endure dust and carbon on my face, and finally after getting down at the stop, walk again for 15 mins. Job is nothing but servicing clients, encouraging people to join, read research and updates, and in worst case scenario's- do the actual trading in the stock market (Its not for the faint of heart). My job includes a hell Lotta' traveling.

I'm free by 15:30Hrs, and i reach home an hour later. But im not done yet. IMS has to be given due priority now that i cant spend anymore years behind CAT. I return from IMS after 8Pm.
Well, i have no options for myself, do i? Like they say, I'm stuck between the devil and the ocean.
I have to work, as work experience counts in an MBA interview, and I've to study, aint i?

But, now i feel like devoting a wee bit of time blogging and writing fun stuff. So here i am, again.