Sunday, September 20, 2009

When You Are On Your Own

I graduated. Had a month long vacation. Gained weight. Enrolled again for entrance classes. Studied with all my might.

I did not keep friends. Ex-Classmates left leaving no address. My phone crashed twice, literally erasing their many contact details. Few cared to text, and got saved. I had a best friend and a best friend and i was pretty satisfied. I had everything that i needed.

Come May, I got a job. Earned little cash by working for an associate. Did a bit of marketing. Got tanned. Lost hair. Traversed alone, with strange faces all around. Endured dust and clay, pain and hate. And at the end of the day, had to sit down and study. Days went by causing sorrow to my then subdued spirit. I worked hard reluctantly, punishing my body, punishing my mind. I questioned my stupidity. I knew i would stand a better chance in selections, with work experience. But then how much more will i endure this? How am i going to prepare amidst all this mayhem? So it wasn't long before i took leave, ascribing importance to my entrance preparation.

Life, atleast mine, got back on the fast lane. Spirits rejuvenated again. Back to studies never felt so good, with so many happy faces around. Again i had everything that i needed. Life was good. Studies even better.

Come September, until when i cruised on that freeway interspersed with green fields and topless mountains, life called again.

I pulled over and stopped in front of her. She asked me how i was doing. I, being very career oriented until then and facing little trouble throughout, said i was doing good. I thought i did well. I burnt the midnight oil, though not always, but still i did. I counted each material i practiced. I was confident about my exams.

Then she handed down to me a set of well contrived test papers. Doing them clobbered the living daylights out of me. That's when i realized that i lived too long in my utopia. I hadn't worked in the way i should have, though barely realizing it. My senses blared, and sudden realization hit me like a club. With barely anytime to spare, and with a whole lot of work to do, i buckled. The dream i had, the hope of my parents, the support of my teachers, suddenly i seemed to deceive them all. I felt like a fool, believing that i worked so far so good. I keeled over. I knew i couldn't give up, but the pressure kept mounting. I needed support.

Wave after wave, did these tests hit me. Test by test, my graph plummeted. So little the time, so much to complete, so many to compete. A year did i spend, again. A chance that i am taking, again. But how did all this happen? How did i overlook? Oh! woe to me, that this had to happen. Oh! Woe to me, but i am on my own. I now see my old laborious office in front of me. Oh no! Not that place again. Oh no! Not that place again.

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